Just don't know anymore...

So much has gone down recently, memories haunt me, bad history threatens to repeat itself, and of course, I have to look after myself. Cause who else is?

I can't complain, I have an amazing family, and friends who I couldn't and would never trade in. But the person who I was threatens to interrupt my happy summer. And though I'm the best ignorer EVER, I can't shake the feeling that I'm ... being followed by bad luck fairies.

NO, I won't do this. I'm having the best summer at the moment.

So, here we go. A summer. Hopefully work, play, beach, bbq's, family, friends, salsa, pubs, dads cooking and maxi dresses :)

I love life... and I need to focus on this fact for now.

Peace out, you sons of bitches. x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

1 year ago today you left, I miss you Nan.

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

I'm back, and it's beautiful...

Why live in a city when you have all this??

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

For Miss Cooky Wooky..

My top ten men!

10. Bradley Cooper... SO hot in A team

9. Buble...

8. ... SO embarrassing, but...

James Marsden... he's frikin adorable!

7. Will Schuester :)

6. David Boreanaz...

5. Channing...

4. Johnny... :P

3. two words... R- Patz

:)

2. Hugh Jackman... er, he's Wolverine, can sing and tips water over himself in Australia.

1. The One - Gerard :)

... It started in Phantom...

My love for the older man... = GERARD!

I'm turning 20 this week.. leaving my teens in style!

Though its not my 21st... You gotta love 20. On the 11th I will leave my teens, and I'm embracing growing older.

Last night I had an epic night with my Weston buddies. I love them SO much!

I think back at what I've achieved over my 20 years.

1. Was born, very late and very little. Learnt to walk, talk and have done little else since. :)
2. moved from Butchery to Hillfield
3. Started nursery
4. Started being awesome.
5. Started primary, had first kiss (was a girl! will always remember that...)
6. Of course, always had Gem, my bessie :)
7. Had my last year in Stoke Gabriel... got a taste for singing and dancing.
8. Moved to Totnes, stayed in old primary school.
9. Had first boyfriend / kiss with a boy.
10. Moved to Grove primary school, and continued having boyfriends.. also started TAF acting classes.
11. Moved to kevicc - SCARY AS HELL!
12. choirs :) grew boobs.
13. Started (wrongfully) liking older men, and hanging out with older people... started drinking alcohol.
14. The year I was in Joseph, and met some of the best people in the whole world!
15. Year 11 . . . lordy. Passed GCSE'S.. started singing lessons.
16. left secondary, but was going to go to sixth form in the same place. All with awesome buddies by my side.
17. 17... wow. sixth form, loves, hates, mistakes... IDYLLWILD! :) saw my first west end show, les mis.
18. Left sixth form, 2 A'S and a C, D cup boobs and no clue what I wanted to do... saw the Lion King :) a loved one left and went to heaven.
19. Worked for a year... got into uni, Make ups, break ups and life lessons, D cups, left home. Met the best people in the world. Learnt how to urge. DD CUPS. another loved one loved and left. (I miss you everyday Nan). Learnt to appreciate everyone... got very scared, very sad, enthusiastic, euphoric.
20. Had an amazing birthday. am still learning lessons in life / love / drinking / dieting and fashion. Love everyone in my life, and on occasion, out of it. EE cup boobs. Size 12 dress :)

What a 2 decades it has been! Let's make this next decade amazing!